Non-Euro Brash Kids.

So there is a certain group of lady friends that I like to frequent the travel scene with—they are fun, funny, smart—and rest assured, we are the loudest in any setting. Last year we hit up South Beach. Pretty sure we all got a note home saying our membership to return has been canceled until further notice. But hey, ladies, it was worth it—am I right? Anyway…

Something I am putting together (albeit late to the game as a parent for half a decade) through my travels this summer and that trip, among others, is the difference in child rearing for European kids vs. our way of rearing in America. And more importantly, how I need a tutorial.

As my lovely lady travel crew sat poolside in Miami on that aforementioned trip ordering sips in the sunshine, our music got beatier, jokes got less-appropriate and our voices cranked volumes louder. The sun wasn’t even thinking of going down. A sobering moment occurred when I overheard the precious family next to us interacting. They were French, traveling with their adorable children. (Our interactions with them were the only saving grace we had not to be thrown out of the pool that day :) Especially when I realized- “Um, hey, guys, we are louder than all of the children in this pool. Combined. For serious.” (Insert eye roll for all onlookers.)

When late-afternoon lunchtime arrived I overheard our neighboring family order. The parents ordered first and then their 5 year old looked at the server and stated his order in his most precious “Frang-lish”. I looked at my girlfriend and stated, “all I know is I caught a *foie gras* in there.”  That kid became my hero for the rest of the trip. There was no kid’s menu handed to him for consideration, there was no catering to his whiney needs, if necessary (which wasn’t). His parents were like—these are your options and he took it like a champ. No chicken fingers or grilled cheese here, friends. He and his sister ate their (sophisticated) lunches, quietly interacting by the pool with their parents. Afterwards, they played a little game and then the whole family siesta-ed (or however you would nap in French) by the pool; woke later and played some more. This is when I realized I was born on the wrong continent for child rearing.

There was a lot of European influence that weekend in Miami and I began to obsess over it. Same thing on our travels this summer. These children were more easy going, content just chilling and being with their families.  I, on the other hand,  went home from Miami to be punched in the face with needs and wants and screams from my wild and crazy (ahem) “spirited” kiddos thus forgetting to think much more about those sweet, peaceful Euro kids…until this summer– I was reminded. It occurred to me to look into it more.

So my observations say that non-American raised children really are just quieter. Turns out Americans have a reputation for being a bit more “boisterous”—okay—I did know that. But I didn’t know that in schools and at a young age, Europeans influence their children to speak quietly—some call it a “meter-voice”. They practice with a partner in school—you should only be able to hear them a meter away. (Unlike my 10 meter voice used in 1 meter spaces.)

European playgrounds, restaurants, waiting rooms— all so much more quiet—kids or no kids. American joints have that buzzing background noise mostly generated by small talk. A good example is that when I was in London I noticed a lot of their restaurants have the “communal table” concept – where a stranger may pop a squat at a free seat at your table. This is no big deal to Europeans—as they are taught to keep to themselves and respect privacy and neighborly space. Some American-raised folk (especially we southerners) are taught to engage and greet, look in the eye, etc. I’m the first (annoying?) person to do this. Throw in some nervous giggles and anxious hair-flips and you have the most awkward small talker right here. (Insert girl with arm-up emoji). Take my advice, you don’t want to sit next to me on a long flight.

While we Americans smile a little quicker and engage in conversation a little easier, the Europeans are not cold— they are just being respectful and private- taught since youth. As I did a little reminiscing and researching on this, I remain very impacted and touched by this different, but admirable way to interact with your family. We parents put a lot of stress on ourselves to make our children’s lives full, curious and content – but it doesn’t mean that we have to bend over backwards to cater to every whiney, needy request.  It’s a difficult concept for me to take in as I’m knee deep in the whiney 7 days a week. Sometimes you want to slave away to make the requests stop. Though I suppose that makes me a whine-enabler.

Until I can get a handle on these rascals, I’ll work on enforcing the gentle changes I’ve tried to make thus being influenced by these gracious European families. We want to keep the spirit, but perhaps less requests, less pickiness, less screen time and less “scream” time. I think that sounds like a good start. It will make them more desireable to be around as teens and adults, so really I’m doing them a long-term favor. Like the old proverb goes, “give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.” This kind of applies, right?

Wish me luck.